Hitting Pause: Learning to Hold Anxiety in Leadership

A few weeks ago, I found myself in an unusual classroom: a paintball field.

As someone who spends a good amount of time thinking and speaking about organizational change and leadership, I didn't quite expect to find a lesson about leadership while dodging paintballs. But there I was, re-learning (the hard way) about how to hold anxiety.

For the first few games, I was a bundle of nerves. I had never played paintball before. The moment I heard the whistle, I'd sprint forward, firing wildly at anything that moved. Gone was the strategy we had agreed to as a team, I just wanted to survive, because those bullets HURT. It was hard to move wearing this oversized suit and hard to see with a heavy helmet and scratched-up goggles.

There were loud pops and people shouting around me. My heart raced, my breath was short, and my mind was clouded with a single thought: "Act now or get shot!". Of course, with this wild strategy, I found myself eliminated quickly in each round.

It wasn't until the final game that something clicked and I decided to try a different approach. Instead of rushing out, I took a deep breath and held my position. I observed my rivals and my teammates. I listened.

And most importantly, I tolerated the anxiety that was screaming at me — "Don’t just stand there, do something!". As I surveyed the landscape, I noticed one of my teammates was also taking her time shooting and changing positions. Together, we moved deliberately, advancing gradually, in concert – while others around us got eliminated one by one.

The result? We were the last ones standing, and our team won that round. We didn’t win the game, but we made the most progress. We felt victorious.

Making Space For Uncertainty

This experience reminded me of a principle I've long advocated within organizations: the importance of holding and tolerating anxiety rather than immediately acting on it.

In the corporate world, we're often conditioned to see quick action and consider it effective leadership. But just as in paintball, this reactive approach can lead us to make hasty decisions, stop communicating with others, miss details, and ultimately fail to achieve our objectives as we blindly rush forward.

True transformational leadership requires us to develop a kind of Minimum Viable Confidence – enough assurance to move forward consciously, even without all the data or abilities we wish we had, and without giving into the pressure of urgency.

It's about slowing down time, prolonging for a few seconds that space between what we see or think and our reaction to it, allowing for other, potentially better ideas to emerge.

As leaders, our job isn't to eliminate anxiety – of course, it's an inevitable part of change and growth. Holding anxiety doesn't mean inaction. It doesn’t mean you ignore it, either. It means you can be aware of it and tolerate it, without having to discharge it or get rid of it immediately. It's about moving from intention rather than from reaction. Instead, our role is to create a container for ourselves and our teams, where we can tolerate the discomfort and therefore navigate uncertainty with minimum viable confidence.

Here are some strategies to practice this in your leadership:

1. Breathe and center yourself: When you feel the urge to act immediately, take three deep breaths. This simple act can help center you and create space for reflection. Another quick practice is to place your hand on your belly. As a dancer, I imagine there is a line that divides myself in two at the level of my belly button – grounded below the line, fluid above the line. I feel myself stretching upright like a graceful swan, while I feel my legs heavy as lead sinking deeply into the ground. Apply this embodiment practice to leadership helps you stay rooted in your values and convictions, while remaining open and flexible in your approach.

2. Observe and sense: Like I did in that final paintball game, stop doing and take time to assess the situation fully before taking that next step. What are you not seeing in your rush to respond? Don’t believe everything you think, as the Buddhist saying goes. Imagine you have microscopic eyes and ears all over your skin, use them to take in as much data from the environment and the people around you as possible.

3. Ask those “very stupid questions” to break through mental blocks: Often, our sense of urgency is self-imposed. Ask yourself, "What's the real deadline here? What truly needs immediate action?"

4. Embrace that very real discomfort: Learning to sit with the discomfort of anxiety builds emotional resilience, a crucial trait for long-term leadership success. This is part of "corporate soul work" – facing our fears and examining our beliefs about success, leadership and life in general.

5. Communicate and synchronize: Share your process with your team. Use language and behavior to signal you are present, trusting and trustworthy. By modeling this approach, you create a culture of thoughtful response rather than knee-jerk reaction. Aim for what I call "synchrony over urgency" - moving together in a coordinated way rather than rushing ahead individually.
   

So the next time you feel that urgent push to act, hold that anxiety. You might just find, as I did on the paintball field, that your most powerful moves come not from reacting fast, but from breathing, observing, and then responding with intention and clarity.

Remember, leading change is not about being perfect or always knowing the right answer. It's about making progress, being willing to dance ugly, and to create spaces where others can do the same.

Explore the intersection of flamenco and leadership in my talk Leaders Need To Be Artists. See how artistic principles can transform your approach to organizational transformation.